mint green_basil · 0 hearts · 0 replies

Still making sense of my sexuality. Whenever I look back on my relationships, I wonder if I loved any of them romantically. I think I loved their potential most of all. I loved the occasional happy moments. I loved when they did things that they knew would arouse me or make me cum. I stayed with a lot of them because I enjoyed the feeling of being wanted. (The gag is, I honestly believe I wanted them more than they wanted me.) I thought I needed to be in a relationship with a man to be fulfilled in life. It's wild to realize that the love I thought was true was actually an unhealthy obsession. In the face of immense doubt and red flags, I still held onto the belief that there was love. I've come to realize that I don't have romantic feelings for men at all. I rarely get aroused by anything these days, but men do not get me going either. I mean, Andrew Scott can make me blush, but even if he was available and interested in me, I can't say with certainty I'd be interested in anything romantic or sexual. Maybe comphet is indeed responsible for my past relationships. The pondering continues...